Bears at Vikings Stock Market Report: LOLvertime – Daily Norseman

Bears at Vikings Stock Market Report: LOLvertime – Daily Norseman

One of the most embarrassing performances in recent history turned into a game that I wouldn’t have believed unless I had watched it.

I really don’t know what to make of the Vikings overtime victory against the Bears. And absolutely putrid three quarters that actually had my father so disgusted he went home became a ridiculous 90 yard drive, a field goal tying drive with two minutes left.

And then WHAT IN THE I DON’T EVEN IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING IT IS AND ALL I CAN DO IS LAUGH. Seriously, when Walsh’s first game ending field goal became a miss I started laughing, and when Robby Gould missed his game winning attempt I started laughing so hard I would’ve been mistaken for a mental patient. And a reasonable person would’ve called somebody to have me taken away…

And they’re coming to take me away Ha Ha
They’re coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toesThey’re coming to take me away ha ha…

Your SMR that kicks two game winning field goals in overtime follows.

Blue Chip Stocks:

Adrian Peterson, RB: For awhile today, it felt like Adrian Peterson was the only guy wearing purple and gold that gave a tinker’s damn about this team. While the defense and the other ten players on offense looked like they had something going on at about 3:30 and wanted to get the hell out of the Metrodome, Peterson was running with an unusual fierceness and intensity. He ended up with 211 yards on 35 carries, and almost single handedly drove the Vikings down the field for their eventual game winning drive.

Matt Cassel, QB: Cassel wasn’t great, but he was competent, and competent in 2013 constitutes a stock that is ON FIRE IN THIS HERE REPORT SON. Cassel found Greg Jennings and the milk carton he was on, and at least for one day, Jennings looked every bit the receiver we thought he was when he signed with the Vikings…although it’s been proven he’s open on every damn play. Cassel was a batted ball and/or one of his patented Billy Kilmer dead ducks getting picked off from having a disastrous game…but by God, he made throws, drove the team down the field, and rallied a team that wasn’t dead, but rotting.

Xavier Rhodes, CB: Has anyone else been as impressed with Rhodes as much as I have these last two or three games? He’s developing into a bona fide #1 CB, and had at least three passes defended today. He locked up Brandon Marshall all day, and Marshall had 4 catches for only 45 yards. After a slow start that saw Rhodes play sparingly, he’s become the team’s best defensive back in less than a month.

Solid Investments:

Cordarrelle Patterson, WR/RB: Patterson had the only play of the first half that was worth watching. Lined up as the halfback in the I-formation, Patterson took a handoff and went 33 yards for a touchdown. It was very reminiscent of how the Vikings used Percy Harvin from 2009-2012, and my first thought was…why in the name the Wildcat formation haven’t the Vikings been doing more of this? Like Rhodes, the more Patterson has played, the better he’s looked. You only wonder where the Vikings might have been if guys Rhodes, Patterson, and other young guys had been given more opportunities early on.

Blair Walsh, K: Even though he missed a 57 yard field goal in overtime, he hit the game winner, and he also hit a 30 yard field goal with only 40 seconds left that tied the game. At one point in the game, announcer Thom Brenneman mused that Robbie Gould might be the best NFL kicker in history. I think when Walsh’s career is all said and done, at the rate he’s going, you might be able to throw his name into the hat.

Greg Jennings and Jerome Simpson, WR: Simpson is quietly having a good year, and once again this week, he only had three catches but they were all big ones. And when a quarterback on this team actually, you know, looks for wide receivers, Greg Jennings is magically open. He also had a TD catch that was probably the best one by a wide receiver this year, and the way he toe tapped in the end zone kind of reminded me of Cris Carter from back in the day.

Audie Cole, MLB: The legend of Audie Cole continues to grow. He had another solid game, and after the problems Erin Henderson has had lately, Cole looks like he’s locked down the MLB job for the rest of the season. He’s still learning, but he makes plays and tackles guys. I love it.

Junk Bonds:

Christian Ponder, QB: I have no words. Terrible. I hope his concussion isn’t serious, and he’s back to 100% healthy soon. But maybe it’s time to put a bow on his career in Minnesota. I mean…yeah. I’ve seen enough. Before today, I believed Frazier when he said Ponder gave the Vikings their best chance to win. I no longer believe that.

Rhett Ellison, TE: Rhett Ellison did his damndest to keep the VIkings in the thick of the Teddy Bridgewater seepstakes, but try as he might he couldn’t do it. Between bobbling a perfectly thrown ball from Cassel on the goal line that turned into a 50 yard interception return, or the facemask penalty that took a game winning field goal off the board, Ellison was a Perfect Shitstorm Sunday.

Chris Cook, CB: If I read tomorrow that the Vikings have cut Chris Cook, I won’t shed a tear. Seriously, I’ve seen more plays by Xavier Rhodes in the last four games than I have from Cook in his entire time in Minnesota. And if he’s not hurt or beating his girlfriend (allegedly), he’s getting thrown out of the game after giving up (and admittedly ridiculous) TD to Alshon Jeffrey. I’m as done with Cook as I am with Ponder.


Buy: The never say die attitude of this team. This game was an absolute dog for about 45 minutes, but I admire the never say die mentality of this team, and it was coming from the two biggest stars on the team in Jared Allen and Adrian Peterson. I appreciate it, and it was nice to see.

Sell: The Zombie Walk through the first 45 minutes. I mentioned it above, but it seemed like no one cared. From the players, to the coaches, it just felt like this team was mentally checking out, and the DGAF was strong. Yet something clicked, they snapped out of it, and overcame themselves, more DERP than a team should be allowed to have in one game, and won the game.

Buy: The Vikings playing the most embarrassing football game of the year for most of the day. My dad and I were just shaking our heads and going WHAAAAT for the entire first half. Not even the Patterson TD run got us fired up. As the third quarter dragged to an embarrassing close, my father actually gave up and made me take him home. The only reason I watched the rest of the game was to write what I thought was going to be the most RAGE RAGE RAGE SMR ever, but instead, I saw the most tragically absurd win in Vikings history unfold.

Sell: The Chicago Bears because HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Seriously, the Bears lost to a 2013 Vikings team that did everything in their power to get blown out…give away the game in overtime…and yet you lost. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…deep breath…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. SUCK IT CHICAGO.

Don Glover Quote Of The Week:

I got two from my Dad today. Like I mentioned earlier, at the end of the third quarter, he waved his arms back and forth like a ref going ‘no good’, turned to me and said:

“Son, shut this shit off and take my home. I’m done.”

So after the Vikings actually turned it around and won, I called him and told him what happened:

“You’re 100% shitting me. How in the hell did they pull that game out of their ass?”

I don’t know, Dad. I don’t know.

So the Vikings win an improbable game in the most improbable manner, and move to 3-8-1 on the season. And 20 years from now, I still won’t be able to understand how the Vikings won this game.

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Bears at Vikings Stock Market Report: LOLvertime – Daily Norseman

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